Actual Quotes from Federal employees' performance
evaluations:


"Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and
has started to dig."

"His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of
morbid curiosity."

"Works well when under constant supervision and when
cornered like a rat in a trap."

"This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

"She sets low personal standards and then consistently
fails to achieve them."

"This employee should go far - and the sooner he starts,
the better."

"This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an
idiot."


Actual Quotes from military Officer Efficiency Reports
(OERs):

"Not the sharpest knife in the drawer."

"Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold
it all together."

"A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary
ignoramus."

"A photographic memory, but with the lens cover glued
on."

"A prime candidate for natural de-selection."

"One-celled organisms outscore him in IQ tests."

"Fell out of the family tree."

"Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train
isn't coming."

"Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out
looking for it."

"He's so dense, light bends around him."

"If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get
change."

"If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the
ocean."

"It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other
sperm."

"Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only
gargled."

"Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."